and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize