i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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