I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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