she smelled like a LAN party
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
