I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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