alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
