I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
