the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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