dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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