About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
