I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
