Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
