Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
