I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can you bring me the toilet please
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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