i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
