So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I can't turn off my feet"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
