Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
