you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
