Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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