feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
