Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
