Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
