"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
