I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
