Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
