i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
