I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
