I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
