I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
