I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
