I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
