He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
