I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
