dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
