If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
