Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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