No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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