Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
