Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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