your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Life is so much better after having sex.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
