im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sober January is a disaster.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
