I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize