I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
