It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
