Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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