you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
