her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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