I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Say something about gay babies.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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