I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
