I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
