Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
