conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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