why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
