so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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