Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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