i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Randomize
