I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
