We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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