I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
