Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
