No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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