can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
