if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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