I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
