better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
