He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
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is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
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Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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